You Didn't Get the Promotion/Job.
We hear it often, especially in the business world. "Individual X is so cocky." "Individual Y is narcissistic." "Individual Z is bossy." I've certainly heard it said about me before. Why is confidence or strength so often misinterpreted for any of the above negative, belittling qualities? Personally, I believe the underlying motivation for these titles is a lack of self-acceptance and confidence by the accusers, who sometimes can also be ourselves. We call our peer "bossy" perhaps because we are insecure that our leadership potential is lesser than theirs. We are so apt to judge that we leave little room for learning from those around us, focusing on improving our own abilities or self. This lesson took me an incredibly long time to learn.
So, your work BFF got the promotion* over you. (Promotion*, can be interchangeable, in this scenario, for job). The one that you "knew you were getting."
Sh*t.
Go Scream(o) About It
First, congratulate your colleague. Even in business, the Kindergarten lesson holds: No one likes a sore loser. Then, listen to some Screamo music on your commute home. Just kidding - skip this step. (Unless you are a fan of Screamo music). Go home and give yourself time to feel whatever emotions you naturally feel...maybe anger, jealousy, disappointment. All of these and more can be expected and are valid. After letting your feelings out, perhaps having one, two, or an entire bottle of Pinot Grigio to drown your sorrows, get back on your grind. Realize that everything happens for a reason. This opportunity was not meant for you. The "failure" only means that something else is coming, so be patient. And in the meantime, work to be 10x the employee your friend was when he or she got that promotion. Be so skilled and specialized in your work that your supervisors can't ignore you. Be the best on your team and your best version of yourself. Of course, that stems from passion.
Want to know an underrated assertion? We are only in competition with ourselves. When your friend gets the promotion over you, you can accept two attitudes. You can:
1. Be "fake" happy for your friend, but secretly cynical and jealous, believing you deserved the opportunity over them.
Or, 2. You can congratulate your friend, and perform an internal evaluation.
Make it About Yourself
What strength, or strengths, did they possess that you didn't? What qualities can you emulate to make yourself a better employee, leader, furthermore individual? Those who choose to adopt attitude two are the ones who are, by choosing genuine acceptance and happiness for their friend, choosing him or herself. It's okay to prioritize yourself.
Moreover, it's essential. Choosing you means discovering why you didn't get the promotion or job, realizing what skills you lacked compared to the other individual, committing yourself to improve, and, consequently, land that role next time. When you dedicate yourself to a passionate career, you develop your unique path, which is not comparable to anyone else's. Your "path" may not have been that promotion, after all. After all, growth is horizontal.
Turn Rejection Into Reaction
Comparison is the thief of joy unless you are comparing you of today with you of yesterday. In that case, the comparison should make you a happier, more motivated, and improved employee, student, potential candidate. Next time you get the "While your interview was impressive, but…" or the "Unfortunately there was someone with…" response from a potential employer or boss, stop and remind yourself that your opportunity is coming. One rejection will not ruin the trajectory of your career. Motivate yourself to be even better than you thought you could have been.
Get back in the office and remind everyone that you're an unstoppable force.
