How to Be a Good Mentor Even if You Don't Think You're Mentor Material
Recently, I was selected to give a TEDx talk at my university’s business school. They assigned two professional mentors to help me develop my talk and act as resources in creating my content. These two women, Raquel Arredondo and Caitlin Mahon supported me in an incredible number of ways. A week after my talk, I can’t help but think about and reflect on all of the incredible mentors who have been and continue to be such a large part of my professional journey. It’s also made me think about why mentorship is so important in the business world and how I can be one to others. Here’s how to be a good mentor even if you don’t think you’re mentor material.
My mentors, Caitlin Mahon, Raquel Arredondo, and I after my TEDx talk.
Suppose you get approached by a colleague or student asking you to serve them as their mentor? Perhaps, you’re flattered and ecstatic. Maybe, you’re the opposite: “Sh*t. what gives me the credibility? I don’t have time to mentor someone. I don’t think I can help this person.” Mentorship is beneficial because it promotes deeper networking and the exchange of a real relationship. You give your mentee support and they, in turn, typically teach you one or two things in the process.
One of my greatest mentors is my college freshman year Business 101 Professor and expert on all things #business, Chris Finnin. Although we never established a formal “mentor/mentee” relationship, he has always been someone who I admired for supporting student growth and development in addition to making himself available constantly. When authoring this post, I couldn’t think of anyone else to comment on this topic of mentorship and its importance. He had the following to say:
“A mentor can do a number of things for you. They can typically provide guidance on career successes and challenges; like tips for interviewing for that big promotion or how to deal with a difficult boss. One area sometimes overlooked is that a mentor can help you to communicate and lead more effectively. By modeling the behavior we see from our mentors, this helps us to grow and follow their examples. Don’t forget, mentors are not just there for the professional side of your life. They can be the person you call on when you are having a bad day just as much as when you are wearing the biggest smile of your month. They help us build self-confidence and provide encouragement.
I have an informal group of mentors I like to refer to as my personal board of directors. Like the board of company, my personal board is made up of friends, former and present colleagues and trusted experts in their respective field. While I was writing my dissertation for my doctoral degree, one of the most challenging professional things I have ever done, one my board members was there for me on a weekly basis. His writing and education experience were priceless in helping me gain the skills and knowledge I needed to achieve my goals.
Ultimately, my mentors have helped me see around corners and be better prepared for the challenges ahead.”
Whether you’re mentoring someone already, or have never professionally mentored someone before, here are some things to consider and tips on how to become a trustworthy and worthwhile mentor.
First, decide if mentoring someone is something you can actually handle. If you’re the second thought process that I mentioned above, the “Sh*t...Why me?” mentality, maybe mentoring isn’t for you. Do you have time to commit to mentoring someone? Do you have time to consider someone else’s progress and journey while growing your own career? If you are pretty established and have the time, then go counselor crazy! If you are still trying to build your own brand, or if you don’t think you can be helpful, acknowledge that. A potential mentee will appreciate your honesty and will admire your commitment to your own growth instead misleading them because you cannot fully commit.
If you already mentor someone else, can you dedicate time to sponsor another person helping them reach their professional goals? Would the two mentees’ goals be somewhat similar so you might combine your time and skills to help both simultaneously? Think about all factors before saying “yes.”
IT’S IMPORTANT TO HAVE THINGS IN COMMON…
Next, consider what the mentee’s goals are. Oftentimes, we form mentorships from personal connections, not professional interests. This is a common mistake. For example, if you are in the tech industry as a software engineer, but if your mentee is seeking help with exploring a career in the law field, just because you have a good social relationship doesn’t mean you will be the best mentor for this student. Try to find someone in your network to connect them with instead, who has a more direct plug to the mentee’s future goal or area of interest.
Okay, so you’ve considered all factors and decided, you can serve help your “mentee.” Here’s how to be a great mentor:
1. NEVER TELL THEM WHAT TO DO.
Wait, what? What if he or she asks my opinion or seeks advice on a particular issue or question? Your mentee will most likely do this. The key is to avoid inserting your personal biases into an answer.
Suze Orman, famous American author, financial advisor, motivational speaker, and television host (basically what I’d call a total #BOSS) says: “The key to being a good mentor is to help people become more of who they are--- not to make them more like you.”
You want to guide your mentee and help them, not pressure him or her into adopting your exact path or similar thinking. The worst thing you can do is tell them what they should do. If you really feel strongly, it is okay to give your honest opinion, but try to lead in with an “I feel that…” response instead of a “You should.” The “should” modal auxiliary should belong to the mentee. With your guidance, he or she will, hopefully, be able to identify the “I should…” by his or herself.
So how do I coax my student or mentee to identifying “I should” confidence alone?
2. ASK QUESTIONS
Most mentees do not seek mentors for the trendiness of the task. Many seek a real professional “role model” and confidant. Get to know your mentee. What interests him or her? What passions do they have professionally and outside of their work or major? What do you have in common? What are their future goals? By getting to know them better, you will be able to deepen your relationship and help them further. Additionally, asking questions can help a mentee in unique ways. When faced with a dilemma or choice, talking out or verbalizing a situation can actually help a mentee decide what he or she wants. Ask questions to let him or her come to realizations on their own.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO WOO YOUR MENTEE WITH LOBSTER
3. CHECK IN
Agreeing to mentor someone does not require that you impress them with expensive dinners or see them every day. The importance here is just to remember your mentee and check in periodically. If you know that he or she has a large exam looming overhead, send them a good luck text. Wish them a happy birthday. “Like” and show your support via social media sites, such as LinkedIn. It doesn't always have to be a grand gesture to show them you care about their growth or remind them that you are there.
4. USE YOUR PERSONAL NETWORK
Don’t be a connection hog. What’s a connection hog? It’s the annoying guy in your graduate class who knows “everyone” and brags about his 700 LinkedIn connections, but offers his peers no help. No one likes a connection hog.
Use the contacts you’ve established and solidified to make introductions and help other people in your network, especially your mentee.
Two of my other mentors, Aurora Davis and Kyle Weaver, after my TEDx talk.
“Having a business mentor who can help you grow your network is huge. You never know how valuable a business connection may prove as you grow in your professional and entrepreneurship goals.”
If your mentee is seeking advice on a topic that you have limited expertise of, try to think of who you know that knows more than you. Reach out and connect your mentee to that person. You will have reinforced your own contact and helped each party gain another. Plus, your mentee will benefit from expertise you might not have had.
5. PREPARE THEM FOR WHAT’S NEXT...
You’re on a coffee “date” with your mentee. He has just finished telling you about all he has accomplished in school and how he has secured a summer internship. “You’re doing great!” with a smile and your face and hands clasped. You and your mentee chat about the internship in more depth. After that conversation comes to an end, you stare back and forth at each other with no other dialogue. “Let me know when you want to meet next…” you begin to say to end the awkward pause.
First off, all people seek validation. Validation is a positive affirmation to give as a mentor. However, an exceptional mentor asks what’s next, even when the mentee has seemingly accomplished a great amount. Make your mentee think about his or her desired future. Make him or her dream it into existence. How will their current endeavor, project, position, particular company, help them get what they want in a few years down the line? Inspire your mentee to follow any and every lead in the pursuit of their professional goals.
Give Advice as You’d Want to Hear it.
Consider those who have helped you get where you are and model their encouragement and behaviors.
Have you been a mentor to someone? Had a positive or negative experience? Have you been influenced be a great mentor? Drop your comments below; I’d love to hear your stories.
We rise by lifting others...even in the seemingly “cutthroat” business world…NF
